Here’s a list of Church of England Ministry Error Codes inspired by a recent conversation on a certain clergy web forum.
All are genuine http web error codes. ***Simon Douglas has pointed out that these are in fact ‘status codes, but he is a self-confessed geek***
400 Bad Request
No. You cannot ask God to smite Mrs Miggins.
Similar to 403 Forbidden, but specifically for use when authentication is required and has failed or has not yet been provided. The Archdeacon has not got back to you and you can’t be licensed.
402 Payment Required
Reserved for future use.
The collection has been a bit short recently. No one can leave the service until they’ve given some (gift-aided) donations
The Wardens have taken your Church keys away. Unlike a 401 Unauthorized response, authenticating will make no difference.
404 Not Found
The requested resource could not be found but may be available again in the future. The vicar is unavailable. It is not possible to leave a message on their voice-mail.
405 Method Not Allowed
That is not how we celebrate the Communion in this tradition.
406 Not Acceptable
This parish has passed resolution A&B (please provide proof of Y Chromosome before continuing).
407 Proxy Authentication Required
The parish is under the authority of the Bishop of Ebbsfleet.
408 Request Timeout
The server didn’t turn up to help with communion
You shouldn’t have tried to remove the pews
You succeeded in removing the pews
411 Length Required
See “Paschal Candle”
412 Precondition Failed
The candidate is not baptised
413 Request Entity Too Large
You can’t pray for that!
415 Unsupported Media Type
You’ve picked up a copy of the Church of England Newspaper. Stop. Put it down. Walk away.
416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable
You’ve attempted to lead a Common Worship service. Please try again using the Book of Common Prayer.
417 Expectation Failed
Welcome to the Church of England
418 I’m a teapot (RFC 2324) – [[This is a real http error code!]]
You over consecrated at communion. Go and sit quietly in a dark room.
419 Authentication Timeout (not in RFC 2616)
The Bishop is late for your licensing service.
420 Method Failure
You are not licensed in this province
422 Unprocessable Entity (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
Multi-faith service attempted. Logic error. Syntax undefined.
423 Locked (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
You’ve forgotten the safe key and the service registers are unaccessible
424 Failed Dependency (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
The family won’t do the eulogy. Stock response needed.
426 Upgrade Required
Liturgical reform is in progress
428 Precondition Required (RFC 6585)
The candidate must be baptised to perform this rite. See Error#412
429 Too Many Requests (RFC 6585)
The Parish has sent too many requests in a given amount of time. [Common Error]
431 Request Header Fields Too Large (RFC 6585)
The Glebe land needs managing [Largely a redundant error]
440 Login Timeout
Synod Error. Indicates that session has expired. House of Laity to blame.
444 No Response
You’ve asked a question of the Archdeacon. Standard error.
449 Retry With
Automatic response to 444. Expect boot loop.
450 Blocked by Windows Parental Controls
451 Unavailable For Legal Reasons
Very bad vicar.
Check out the Church Times job website.
494 Request Header Too Large
See 431 but apply to multi-parish benefice.
495 Cert Error
Crisisof faith. Try ‘retreat’ command.
496 No Cert
498 Token expired/invalid
Try using bread instead of wafers
499 Client Closed Request
Change suggested. Standard parish response.
499 Token required
Only used in parishes where Children in Communion has been implemented.
On Thursday as part of the Arrow Course, my peer cell did a street survey asking people on the streets of Woking what they thought about Christianity, the church and more. One of the questions that seemed to make people pause was:
If you were asked by a teenager ‘What is life all about?’ What would you respond?
The concept of what is life all about is what the Alpha course bases all its advertising around, and yet most people were flummoxed by being asked that question. It got me thinking about how do we get people to consider the Christian faith. Asking the question doesn’t seem to be the right place to start, and yet that is where so many churches in the UK seem to start their evangelism efforts.
I was struck by one of my friends on the course who shared about a church she knew that had done away with any evangelistic programmes, as people in the church just didn’t commit or invest in them, but instead as part of their church membership, each person was challenged to eat and drink once a week with a non-Christian – to live life with them. Over the course of a couple of years the church had seen much more growth through this relational approach then it had ever had with any evangelistic programme.
I think there are two reasons why this has happened:
- People don’t have a confidence in the gospel – they don’t know their bible or theology to be able to give good responses to their friends questions about Christianity
- They’re worried they might fail – and yet the Bible is full of tails of failure and success – we don’t need to worry about this.
So the challenge I’m wrestling with is how do we encourage people to live life together, to help them discover together what is the meaning of life. Any thoughts?
If so, then you should have received an invitation to the Diocese of Winchester Confirmation Celebration! Saturday 27 September, 10.15am for worship and activities, finishing with a BBQ, Ice Cream van and Bouncy Castle.
It’s an event for all ages, so bring family and friends for a brilliant opportunity to celebrate being confirmed, to chat to the Bishops (and others) and to have a whole lot of fun!
For catering purposes they really need to know attendance, so please make sure you email email@example.com to let them know you’re coming.
The Archbishop of Canterbury has announced this new initiative today:
Archbishop Justin Welby is opening up Lambeth Palace to adults aged 20-35 to spend a year living, praying and studying together as a radical new Christian community
In a unique experiment the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is to open up Lambeth Palace in London to Christians aged 20-35 – inviting them to spend a year living, studying and praying at a historic centre of the Anglican Communion.
Launching in September 2015, the Community of St Anselm will gather a group of adventurous young adults from all walks of life, hungry for a challenging and formative experience of life in a praying community.
The Community will initially consist of 16 people living at Lambeth Palace full-time, and up to 40 people, who live and work in London, joining part-time. The year-long programme will include prayer, study, practical service and community life.
Members of the Community will live in a way the ancient monastics would recognise: drawing closer to God through a daily rhythm of silence, study and prayer. But, through those disciplines, they will also be immersed in the modern challenges of the global 21st century church.
Lambeth Palace is in the process of recruiting a Prior to pioneer this new venture and direct its worship and work. The Prior will work under the auspices of the Archbishop, who will be Abbot of the Community.
Archbishop Justin Welby said: “Stanley Hauerwas reminds us that the church should always be engaged in doing things that make no sense if God does not exist. The thing that would most make no sense at all if God does not exist is prayer. Living in a praying community is the ultimate wager on the existence of God, and is anything but comfortable or risk-free. Through it people subject themselves to discipline, to each other in community, and, above all, to God.
“I expect this venture to have radical impact – not just for the individuals who participate but for life at Lambeth, across the Church and in the world we seek to serve. This is what we expect in following Jesus. I urge young people to step up: here is an open invitation to be transformed and to transform.”
The Chaplain to the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Revd Dr Jo Wells, said: “Archbishop Justin is passionate about prayer and about community. The renewal of prayer and Religious Life is the first of his three priorities, and that is what the Community of St Anselm is all about.
“We are inviting people from all around the Anglican Communion – and beyond – to live a year in God’s time. There are no qualifications for joining the Community except a longing to pray, to learn, to study together the things of God, and so to be stretched in body, mind and spirit.”
“Archbishop Justin longs that Lambeth Palace be not so much a historic place of power and authority, but a place from which blessing and service reach to the ends of the earth.”
To find out more, visit: www.stanselm.org.uk
Miriam Swaffield is one of the best at Christian spoken word – check out her latest, The Way We Walk:
Writing on his Facebook page he said:
I Have Hepatitis B
I am afraid my results have just come back and I have got positive Hepatitis B. So I think work is out for a while.
Canon Andrew White lives with multiple sclerosis, and has been playing a key role in standing up for Christians in Iraq and has played a major role in publicising the situation for Christians in the country.
Hepatitis B is a type of virus that can infect the liver and symptoms include feeling sick, lack of appetite and flu-like symptoms. According to the NHS The vast majority of people infected with hepatitis B are able to fight off the virus and fully recover from the infection within a couple of months.
The Observer reports: Bishops urge David Cameron to grant asylum to Iraqi Christians
The Church of England has demanded that the British government offers sanctuary to thousands of Christians fleeing jihadists in northern Iraq, warning that ignoring their plight would constitute a “betrayal of Britain’s moral and historical obligations”.
A number of bishops have revealed their frustration over David Cameron’s intransigence on the issue, arguing the UK has a responsibility to grant immediate asylum to Iraqi Christian communities recently forced to flee the northern city of Mosul after militants from the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant (Isis) threatened them with execution, a religious tax or forced conversion.
On Monday, France responded to the so-called religious cleansing by publicly granting asylum to Christians driven from Mosul. The Anglican Church argues the UK has an even greater responsibility to intervene, citing its central role in the 2003 allied invasion, which experts say triggered the destabilisation and sectarian violence that shaped the context for Isis to seize control of much of northern Iraq.
The bishop of Manchester, the Right Rev David Walker, told the Observer: “We would be failing to fulfil our obligations were we not to offer sanctuary. Having intervened so recently and extensively in Iraq, we have, even more than other countries, a moral duty in the UK.
“Given the vast amounts of money that we spent on the war in Iraq, the tiny cost of bringing some people fleeing for their lives to this country and allowing them to settle – and who, in due course, would be an asset to our society – would seem to be minuscule.”…
From Toby Haworth:
I’m writing to introduce to you the new website for Presence and Engagement – http://www.presenceandengagement.org.uk/, which you may of course have already visited since it went live a few weeks ago. The website aims to bring together resources for clergy, congregations, chaplaincies and schools who want to follow Jesus in loving their neighbours of different faiths.
Key features include religious demographic statistics from the 2011 Census mapped to dioceses and parishes which can be used as a tool in developing strategies for inter faith engagement. Other parts of the website provide stories and other resources for that engagement.
We intend the P&E blog to be a place for lively and thoughtful debate about inter religious issues and events which overlap with the Church’s work in our multi faith society. For example, a recent blog post from Birmingham (also published in the Church Times) focussed on the Trojan Horse investigations.
Please do be in contact with me if you would like to offer a blog post, update us on particular work in which you’re engaged or with any feedback on the website in general.
This comes with my warm good wishes,
The Revd Canon Dr Toby Howarth | Secretary for Inter Religious Affairs to the Archbishop of Canterbury and
National Inter Religious Affairs Adviser for the Church of England
Lambeth Palace, London SE1 7JU | Tel: + 44 (0)20 7898 1475 | Mobile: 07811 467 999
firstname.lastname@example.org | http://www.archbishopofcanterbury.org
The Church of England has released Prayers for the World Cup, including prayers for the England Team ahead of England’s first match against Italy.
The Prayers have been written by the Bishop of Leeds, the Rt. Revd. Nick Baines, who originally penned them during the last football World Cup in South Africa in 2010 and has posted them on his blog.
In addition to prayers for those participating in the World Cup and those travelling to “join in the party” there is also a prayer for those for who “are simply not interested” by the competition.
Bishop Nick has also written two prayers for the England Team, written after the end of the last World Cup. The first of these “Oh God…” reflects the lived experience of many England football fans, whilst the second prayer is a light hearted take on a traditional prayer used by the Church of England in June each year to mark Bishop Richard of Chichester in 1253.
Speaking ahead of the release of the prayers, Bishop Nick, a die-hard Liverpool fan, said:
“God is not partisan and there are bigger things to pray for around the world, not least in Iraq, Nigeria and Sudan to name but three. At its heart prayer is about expressing our desires honestly and having our vision of God, the world and one another changed by our praying. For the next few weeks at least the passions and hearts of millions of men, women and children around the world will be focused on Brazil, where I’m pretty sure there will be lots of prayers being offered up throughout the tournament.
I know some have suggested it might take too much of a miracle for England to win the World Cup; we constantly over-rate, over-hype and over-anticipate England performance and then indulge in a collective intemperate bloodletting against team and manager when they fail to deliver on the big stage. My hope is that the World Cup would be a reminder of the joy of a nation coming together in a common cause – something that in itself is worth celebrating.”
A Prayer for the World Cup
Lord of all the nations, who played the cosmos into being, guide, guard and protect all who work or play in the World Cup.
May all find in this competition a source of celebration, an experience of common humanity and a growing attitude of generous sportsmanship to others.
A Prayer for Brazil
God of the nations, who has always called his people to be a blessing for the world, bless all who take part in the World Cup.
Smile on Brazil in her hosting,
on the nations represented in competition and on those who travel to join in the party.
A prayer for those simply not interested
Lord, as all around are gripped with World Cup fever, bless us with understanding, strengthen us with patience and grant us the gift of sympathy if needed.
Prayers for the England Football team
“God, who played the cosmos into being, please help England rediscover their legs, their eyes and their hunger: that they might run more clearly, pass more nearly and enjoy the game more dearly. Amen.”
Tonight as part of our Psalms, Pudding and Prayer series, for our 11-18 year olds, I spoke on Psalm 84 – you can download the powerpoint here:
You might know the words of this Psalm from the Matt Redman song that we sing at Soul Survivor. The Psalm is the musing of one unnamed pilgrim as he makes his way up to Jerusalem for the Feast of Tabernacles. He’s longing to get to God’s house – he has this intense desire for the House of God. He longs to be with God’s people, worshipping. We read about it in vv1-2.
This traveller is even jealous of birds! The Temple courtyards were open to the sky, and the great eaves provided a place for good nesting, so there were always these birds in and around the Temple.
Do you have a love like this – a longing for God’s house?
As we read through the Psalm I think there are four key things to reflect on. Firstly:
- Look to God alone for your strength
How many have found that the Christian life is impossible without God’s strength? Yet so often our greatest battle is about learning to trust Him instead of doing it on our own steam. That’s human nature.
We do not have enough resources in ourselves to make the whole journey. Christians burn out because they strive in their own strength. And you know, you can get so far, but you’ll never finish without God’s strength.
At some points there has to be refuelling. Refilling. It’s why it’s so important to stop each day to read the bible and pray – to live daily in God’s strength.
2. Put your heart into the journey
Put your whole heart into the journey. We shouldn’t be people who are just letting life pass us by – being dictated to by our circumstances – “waiting out” our time until Jesus comes – we must have our eyes on the finish line, but our energies, our heart, our hands and feet, ought to be occupied with making the journey count – living for Jesus – Paul wrote: “For me to live is Christ”.
3. See the opportunity in every trial
Trials are on nearly every page of the Bible. The Bible talks about them a lot, because they are common to every person on the face of the earth. And if some well-meaning person has suggested to you that Christians aren’t supposed to have trials – that we’re never supposed to ever have a cold, that we won’t ever experience sadness or loss, that we shouldn’t ever feel a financial difficulty – then I think you should go back to that well-meaning person and invite them to read their Bible through again.
The 3rd key is not to pretend trials don’t exist but rather to see trials as opportunities. “The Valley of Baca” is literally: “The Valley of Weeping”. Haven’t we all passed through some Valleys of Baca? Some Valleys of Weeping. But here it says that, if the Lord is your Strength, and if your heart is set on the journey, you can see the Valley of Weeping become a spring. What to others is a place of bitterness can to you become a place of blessing. A place of growth.
It might not always be apparent, but the opportunity for growth and blessing is always right there in the middle of the trial. It’s not always easy, but with God’s help, and the comfort of the Holy Spirit, we can use trials as opportunities.
We all love the “mountain top” experiences; times of blessing and sunshine – but where does the fruit grow? You won’t find many orchards on mountain tops – oh, the view is nice up there, but the fruit grows in the valleys. And it’s those trials in our lives that God can use best to bring us on “from glory to glory” by His Spirit.
And this leads us into the fourth, and final, key:
4. Remember that God is in control
He’s always in sovereign control. He will never surrender His position on the throne to any person or any thing. He cannot be defied. God is in control!
Let’s read together verse 6 of this great 84th Psalm … [Read]. Here is the promise of God. If I am (1) looking to God alone for my strength, and (2) if I’ve put my heart into the journey, and (3) I’m looking to see what opportunity God might have in every trial, then the sovereign God will do two things for me:
a) He will direct my steps in strength, and
b) He will bring me right through to my eternal destination
He will direct their steps in strength: When you allow the Holy Spirit free reign in your life, you will go from strength to strength, until you bear the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. Oh, let God do that in your life! Submit to Him, I urge you today.
He will bring them through to their destination: This pilgrim is just longing to get to Jerusalem – to the House of the Lord. And here is the assurance – God will bring him through, safe all the way.
Can you be sure that you’re going to make it all the way to Heaven? Can you really know? ABSOLUTELY. He IS the Author and the Finisher of our faith!
I don’t want to just limp through life – by the grace of God I want to go from strength to strength! With faith in God I believe I can outgrow my difficulties. I believe YOU can outgrow YOUR difficulties.
Here again are the 4 keys to a successful passage through life, as we see them in Psalm 84:
- Look to God alone for your strength
- Put your heart into the journey
- See the opportunity in every trial
- Remember that God is in control
There’s an interesting new missional entrepreneurship competition being launched by Greenbelt and the Church Mission Society:
The Church Mission Society, in partnership with Greenbelt, is launching a missional entrepreneurship competition ahead of this year’s festival.
We are asking festivalgoers to submit an idea that is both transformational and includes a means of generating income.
The shortlisted entrants will get to pitch to a panel of entrepreneurs at Greenbelt 2014.
The winner will receive a free place – worth £400 – on CMS’smissional entrepreneurship week, an annual residential atPickwell Manor in Devon (pictured above). They’ll be taught with other budding entrepreneurs, the expertise necessary to work up their idea into a realistic money-making venture and have the opportunity to present to a panel of potential funders.
How to enter
Simply tell us, in 20-25 words each:
- What is your idea to make a positive difference in the world?
- How will it generate income to be financially sustainable in the long term?
You must be:
- over 18
- a UK resident
- able to take up the prize from 16-21 November 2014
- attending Greenbelt Festival 22-25 August 2014
- and willing to pitch at a ‘Dragon’s Den’ style event over the Greenbelt weekend.
Closing date for entries will be Friday 18 July.
Announcement of the successful shortlisted entrants will take place on Monday 21 July.