Category: Funny

Funny things children say at Christmas

Posted on By Chris

The funny things children say at Christmas according to the Daily Mail

What gifts did the three wise men bring?

  • Rebecca, 5, Merchant Taylors: “They brought Jesus gold and myrrh but I would have brought him a nice warm blanket.”
  • William, 7, Merchant Taylors: “I don’t know what presents the wise men brought Jesus but a Lego set would have been better.”
  • Ellie, 5, Broomhill Infants: “The three wise men brought Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh – no real presents. I feel sorry for him.”
  • Ellie, 6, Merchant Taylors: “When he was born three kings brought him gold, coins and a sheep.”

Who was the angel Gabriel?

  • Erin, 6, Broomhill Infants: “The Angel Gabriel is a big white fairy. He helped Mary and Joseph look after the baby – kind of like a doctor.”
  • Jay, 5, Broomhill Infants: “There was also an angel called Gabriel, whose favourite thing was to fly around all day.”
  • Molly, 6, Broomhill Infants: “Angel Gabriel was also there and he has yellow wings and a white costume.”
  • Katherine, 9, from St James’ Church of England Primary School, Weybridge, Surrey: “Gabriel was this herald angel. He was a boy but he’s played by a girl in Christmas plays.”

Why do we celebrate Christmas?

  • Ellyshia, 9, St James’ Primary: “I am not really a Christian. I believe in unicorns and pixies.”
  • Ben, 7, Broad Oak: “We celebrate Christmas because Santa comes and gives us lots and lots of presents.”

Where was Jesus born?

  • Charlie, 4, Broomhill Infants: “He was born in a stable a long way away from here in another country. Bethlehem – it’s in England.”
  • Erin, 6, Broomhill Infants: “Jesus was born in the stable – it had lots of hairs.”

Christmas Health & Safety

Posted on By Chris
Christmas Health and Safety reminder:
 
There is some official concern at the intentions expressed in public songs.
 
Please be advised that all employees planning to dash-through-the-snow-in-a-one-horse-open-sleigh, going over-the-fields-and-laughing-all-the-way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.
 
The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
 
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch-their-flocks-at-night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining-his/her-glory-all-around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory
 
Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. Rudolf Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
 
While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.
 
Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found away in a manger, with no crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Youth Ministry and Church News from around the world

Posted on By Chris

News from around the world of youth ministry and the Church:

 

 

Working Bugatti Chiron made of 1 million Lego pieces

Posted on By Chris

Following on from the Full-size LEGO Car Lego have unveiled a functioning sports car that looks as close to the original supercar from Bugatti as is possible when using more than 1 million Lego Technic parts, more than 2,300 Lego motors, and 4,000 gear wheels in the engine. It’s just about as one-to-one as you can get with building blocks.

According to Lego, the 3,300-pound car can actually take you from point A to B; a former racing driver took it for a test drive and pushed it to 12.4 mph which is amazing for a Lego model.  To put it in perspective, a legit Chiron can reach 60 mph in only 2.5 seconds and has a max speed of 260 mph.

The test drive with Andy Wallace took place at the Ehra-Lessien facility in Germany, where the real Chiron was first tested.

The Lego Bugatti took more than 13,000 work-hours to develop and build, and thanks to Lego’s tireless efforts, a driver and passenger can comfortably sit inside the vehicle. There’s even a working brake pedal and speedometer that shows how fast it’s going. The car’s powered by two batteries, an 80-volt for the motor and a 12-volt for the steering and electronics inside the car, so there’s no revving the engine or shifting gears here — but, hey, the lights work.

The life-sized car was built only a few months after Lego showed off its Bugatti Chiron building set earlier this summer. But that tiny replica didn’t generate the 5.3 horsepower of its life-sized big brother — impressive, as long as you don’t compare it to the real Bugatti’s 1,500 horsepower.

The human catapult

Posted on By Chris

I’m not a fan of rollercoasters, let alone bungee jumps, but for those of you who want something more extreme, try this human catapult.

The Nevis Catapult hurls willing participants 150 metres (164 yards) across the Nevis Valley near Queenstown, New Zealand.  If you’re up for it, you can experience up to 3g of force, and fly at speeds of almost 100 kilometres per hour (62 miles per hour) in 1.5 seconds. While these are impressive numbers, the video of the whole thing speaks for itself.

Henry van Asch, co-founder of AJ Hackett Bungy New Zealand, revealed the Nevis Catapult after “years of playing around with the idea.”  He added “it’s a pretty unique feeling, surprising even. There’s nothing else quite like it”.

The Nevis Catapult was a specially built design, then tested out-of-sight in Christchurch over the last nine months. Testing began with weighted barrels, before moving on to a test dummy phase, and then finally, brave humans.

Like many of these things it’s not cheap, costing NZ$255 (US$176), and you’ll need to be at least 13 years old to participate, plus weigh between 45 to 127 kilograms (99 to 279 lbs).

Bowling Tricks and Pool Shots

Posted on By Chris

Poolbowl must be some kind of combination of pool and 10 pin bowling.  This video shows us that Jason Belmonte and Florian “Venom” Kohler have a lot of time on their hands, and have used it to perfect some glorious tricks. So what if they have terabytes of outtakes, this compilation video is awesome!

Church accidentally prints 2Pac lyrics in carol service booklet!

Posted on By Chris

Someone probably should have told this church that there’s more than a few ‘Hail Mary’ carols.

Sadly they choose rapper 2Pac’s version.  Not the most suitable lyrics!

The Church in Colombo were hosting their carol service ‘Joy To The World’ last year when this mistake happened.  They were meant to be singing a Catholic prayer, also called ‘Hail Mary’, when they spotted the wrong lyrics.

Pictures have since spread on social media, with people sharing those 2Pac’s lyrics.  Here’s just a little snippet:

‘I ain’t a killer but don’t push me
Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting p*ssy
Picture paragraphs unloaded, wise words being quoted
Peeped the weakness in the rap game and sewed it
Bow down, pray to God hoping that he’s listening
Seeing niggas coming for me, to my diamonds, when they glistening
Now pay attention, rest in peace father
I’m a ghost in these killing fields’

 

Christmas video 25: Christmas according to kids

Posted on By Chris

What happens when you ask a bunch of kids to tell the story of Christmas? Enjoy this story of Bethle-ha-ha-ham and the magical star that appeared.

The natural humour of the children of Southland Christian Church describing the nativity story makes this an obvious video to show at your Christmas family service:

 

Christmas Health & Safety

Posted on By Chris
Christmas Health and Safety reminder:
 
There is some official concern at the intentions expressed in public songs.
 
Please be advised that all employees planning to dash-through-the-snow-in-a-one-horse-open-sleigh, going over-the-fields-and-laughing-all-the-way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.
 
The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
 
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch-their-flocks-at-night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining-his/her-glory-all-around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory
 
Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. Rudolf Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
 
While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.
 
Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found away in a manger, with no crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.