Church of England Ministry Status Codes

Status Code 404

I loved the blog post on Waxing My Knees regarding CofE Ministry Status Codes, enjoy!

Here’s a list of Church of England Ministry Error Codes inspired by a recent conversation on a certain clergy web forum.

All are genuine http web error codes.  ***Simon Douglas has pointed out that these are in fact ‘status codes, but he is a self-confessed geek***

400 Bad Request
No. You cannot ask God to smite Mrs Miggins.
401 Unauthorized
Similar to 403 Forbidden, but specifically for use when authentication is required and has failed or has not yet been provided. The Archdeacon has not got back to you and you can’t be licensed.
402 Payment Required
Reserved for future use.
The collection has been a bit short recently. No one can leave the service until they’ve given some (gift-aided) donations
403 Forbidden
The Wardens have taken your Church keys away. Unlike a 401 Unauthorized response, authenticating will make no difference.
404 Not Found
The requested resource could not be found but may be available again in the future. The vicar is unavailable. It is not possible to leave a message on their voice-mail.
405 Method Not Allowed
That is not how we celebrate the Communion in this tradition.
406 Not Acceptable
This parish has passed resolution A&B (please provide proof of Y Chromosome before continuing).
407 Proxy Authentication Required
The parish is under the authority of the Bishop of Ebbsfleet.
408 Request Timeout
The server didn’t turn up to help with communion
409 Conflict
You shouldn’t have tried to remove the pews
410 Gone
You succeeded in removing the pews
411 Length Required
See “Paschal Candle”
412 Precondition Failed
The candidate is not baptised
413 Request Entity Too Large
You can’t pray for that!
415 Unsupported Media Type
You’ve picked up a copy of the Church of England Newspaper. Stop. Put it down. Walk away.
416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable
You’ve attempted to lead a Common Worship service. Please try again using the Book of Common Prayer.
417 Expectation Failed
Welcome to the Church of England
418 I’m a teapot (RFC 2324) – [[This is a real http error code!]]
You over consecrated at communion.  Go and sit quietly in a dark room.
419 Authentication Timeout (not in RFC 2616)
The Bishop is late for your licensing service.
420 Method Failure 
You are not licensed in this province
422 Unprocessable Entity (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
Multi-faith service attempted. Logic error. Syntax undefined.
423 Locked (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
You’ve forgotten the safe key and the service registers are unaccessible
424 Failed Dependency (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
The family won’t do the eulogy. Stock response needed.
426 Upgrade Required
Liturgical reform is in progress
428 Precondition Required (RFC 6585)
The candidate must be baptised to perform this rite. See Error#412
429 Too Many Requests (RFC 6585)
The Parish has sent too many requests in a given amount of time. [Common Error]
431 Request Header Fields Too Large (RFC 6585)
The Glebe land needs managing [Largely a redundant error]
440 Login Timeout 
Synod Error. Indicates that session has expired. House of Laity to blame.
444 No Response 
You’ve asked a question of the Archdeacon. Standard error.
449 Retry With
Automatic response to 444. Expect boot loop.
450 Blocked by Windows Parental Controls
Bad Vicar
451 Unavailable For Legal Reasons
Very bad vicar.
451 Redirect
Check out the Church Times job website.
494 Request Header Too Large
See 431 but apply to multi-parish benefice.
495 Cert Error
Crisisof faith. Try ‘retreat’ command.
496 No Cert
Sabbatical required
498 Token expired/invalid
Try using bread instead of wafers
499 Client Closed Request
Change suggested. Standard parish response.
499 Token required 
Only used in parishes where Children in Communion has been implemented.

Edvard Munch’s The Scream Takes the Ice Bucket Challenge

 

Edvard Munch The Scream Ice Bucket ChallengeAt one shocking moment, the Norwegian painter Edvard Munch suddenly felt the icy existential horror of the human experience. Then he wrote:

I was walking along the road with two friends
The Sun was setting – the Sky turned blood-red.
And I felt a wave of Sadness – I paused
tired to Death – Above the blue-black
Fjord and City Blood and Flaming tongues hovered
My friends walked on – I stayed
behind – quaking with Angst – I
felt the great Scream in Nature
So I challenge the Mona Lisa and Whistler’s Mother

Via: Neatorama

Downton Abbey Cast Responds to ‘Water Bottle-Gate’ Photo Fail

Downton Abbey - WaterAid

The cast of Downton Abbey has responded to the snickering, following the release of a publicity still that included a water bottle — an object not quite era appropriate for a period drama television series set in the early 20th century.

Each holding a water bottle, the show’s actors and actresses posed for a photo (above) in support of WaterAid, a non-profit organization based in the United Kingdom that seeks to provide clean water, hygiene education and safe toilets worldwide.

“It brought a really big smile to my face when the cast of Downton Abbey said that they wanted to support WaterAid’s work. How fantastic that the attention created over one water bottle ends up benefiting some of the world’s poorest communities through access to safe, clean water today,” WaterAid chief executive Barbara Frost said on the organization’s website.

The hubbub all started when someone noticed a water bottle in the background of a photo released to promote Season 5 of Downton Abbey.

downton_abbey_series_5_launch_06 - detail

Online commentators had a bit of fun with the error, posting photoshopped versions of the photo:

Downton Abbey photoshop

Funny headlines from around the world

news - schoolswork

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so:

Bishop of Leeds new robes

Loved this blog post from Anglican Memes:

As the new Diocese of West Yorkshire and the Dales prepared to enthrone its Diocesan Bishop, Nick Baines, details of his specially-designed robes were revealed.

Having been tipped off about the likely result of the General Synod vote on Saturday which made the wearing of robes optional, Bishop Nick requested a groundbreaking new design of Episcopal apparel which he strenuously denies is based on the Liverpool FC home kit.

His mitre bears what appears to be a hitherto unseen Diocesan acronym YNWA “Yorkshire North & West Areas”

bishop-nick-lfc-robes

Note: Bishop Nick and the Area Bishops for the new Diocese do actually have newly-created robes which have been designed by Polly Meyell.  These can be seen on the West Yorkshire and the Dales website.

Word War II veteran disappears for Normandy trip

Bernard Jordan

An 89-year-old WW2 veteran disappeared from his nursing home without saying where he was going and went to France for the D-Day commemorations.

The former mayor of Hove, Bernard Jordan, left the home at 10:30 BST on Thursday, and was reported missing to Sussex Police that evening.  Staff later discovered he had joined other veterans in France and was safe and well at a hotel in Ouistreham.

Earlier, it was believed care home staff stopped him going to the events.  Brighton and Hove police had tweeted: “90 year old veteran reported missing from care home. Turns out they’d said no to him going to #DDay70 but he went anyway #fightingspirit”

Hundreds of veterans have been marking the 70th anniversary of the D-Day landings in France, with events on the beaches of Normandy.

Bernard Jordan Royal Navy

Mr Jordan, served in the Royal Navy, was mayor of Hove from 1995-96, is a resident of The Pines nursing home in Hove.  The pensioner had gone out wearing a grey raincoat and a jacket underneath with his war medals on, the police force said.  A spokesman said:

“We have spoken to the veteran who called the home today and are satisfied that the pensioner is fine and that his friends are going to ensure he gets back to Hove safely over the next couple of days after the D-Day celebrations finish.  Once the pensioner is home, we will go and have a chat with him to check he is OK.”

Nev Kemp, the police commander for the City of Brighton & Hove, tweeted: “Love this: 89yr old veteran reported missing by care home who said he can’t go to Normandy for #DDay70 remembrance. We’ve found him there!”

Funny headlines from around the world

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so:

Flying Over New York City in Wingsuits

windsuit

Sometimes parachuting out of an airplane just isn’t cool enough

For the first time in history, a group was granted permission to soar through the air above the picturesque New York City skyline — a luxury usually reserved for pigeons.  Five members of the Red Bull Air Force dove from a height of 7,500 feet above Manhattan’s Financial District. The group reached speeds of 120 miles per hour before landing safely on a small barge in the Hudson River just two minutes after jumping:

The stunt was performed in preparation for the Bethpage Air Show, which will be held at Jones Beach on May 24 and 25.

Below is a first-person shot from one of the athletes:

Funny headlines from around the world

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so: