Here’s a list of Church of England Ministry Error Codes inspired by a recent conversation on a certain clergy web forum.
All are genuine http web error codes. ***Simon Douglas has pointed out that these are in fact ‘status codes, but he is a self-confessed geek***
400 Bad Request
No. You cannot ask God to smite Mrs Miggins.
Similar to 403 Forbidden, but specifically for use when authentication is required and has failed or has not yet been provided. The Archdeacon has not got back to you and you can’t be licensed.
402 Payment Required
Reserved for future use.
The collection has been a bit short recently. No one can leave the service until they’ve given some (gift-aided) donations
The Wardens have taken your Church keys away. Unlike a 401 Unauthorized response, authenticating will make no difference.
404 Not Found
The requested resource could not be found but may be available again in the future. The vicar is unavailable. It is not possible to leave a message on their voice-mail.
405 Method Not Allowed
That is not how we celebrate the Communion in this tradition.
406 Not Acceptable
This parish has passed resolution A&B (please provide proof of Y Chromosome before continuing).
407 Proxy Authentication Required
The parish is under the authority of the Bishop of Ebbsfleet.
408 Request Timeout
The server didn’t turn up to help with communion
You shouldn’t have tried to remove the pews
You succeeded in removing the pews
411 Length Required
See “Paschal Candle”
412 Precondition Failed
The candidate is not baptised
413 Request Entity Too Large
You can’t pray for that!
415 Unsupported Media Type
You’ve picked up a copy of the Church of England Newspaper. Stop. Put it down. Walk away.
416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable
You’ve attempted to lead a Common Worship service. Please try again using the Book of Common Prayer.
417 Expectation Failed
Welcome to the Church of England
418 I’m a teapot (RFC 2324) – [[This is a real http error code!]]
You over consecrated at communion. Go and sit quietly in a dark room.
419 Authentication Timeout (not in RFC 2616)
The Bishop is late for your licensing service.
420 Method Failure
You are not licensed in this province
422 Unprocessable Entity (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
Multi-faith service attempted. Logic error. Syntax undefined.
423 Locked (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
You’ve forgotten the safe key and the service registers are unaccessible
424 Failed Dependency (WebDAV; RFC 4918)
The family won’t do the eulogy. Stock response needed.
426 Upgrade Required
Liturgical reform is in progress
428 Precondition Required (RFC 6585)
The candidate must be baptised to perform this rite. See Error#412
429 Too Many Requests (RFC 6585)
The Parish has sent too many requests in a given amount of time. [Common Error]
431 Request Header Fields Too Large (RFC 6585)
The Glebe land needs managing [Largely a redundant error]
440 Login Timeout
Synod Error. Indicates that session has expired. House of Laity to blame.
444 No Response
You’ve asked a question of the Archdeacon. Standard error.
449 Retry With
Automatic response to 444. Expect boot loop.
450 Blocked by Windows Parental Controls
451 Unavailable For Legal Reasons
Very bad vicar.
Check out the Church Times job website.
494 Request Header Too Large
See 431 but apply to multi-parish benefice.
495 Cert Error
Crisisof faith. Try ‘retreat’ command.
496 No Cert
498 Token expired/invalid
Try using bread instead of wafers
499 Client Closed Request
Change suggested. Standard parish response.
499 Token required
Only used in parishes where Children in Communion has been implemented.
Loved this blog post from Anglican Memes:
As the new Diocese of West Yorkshire and the Dales prepared to enthrone its Diocesan Bishop, Nick Baines, details of his specially-designed robes were revealed.
Having been tipped off about the likely result of the General Synod vote on Saturday which made the wearing of robes optional, Bishop Nick requested a groundbreaking new design of Episcopal apparel which he strenuously denies is based on the Liverpool FC home kit.
His mitre bears what appears to be a hitherto unseen Diocesan acronym YNWA “Yorkshire North & West Areas”
Note: Bishop Nick and the Area Bishops for the new Diocese do actually have newly-created robes which have been designed by Polly Meyell. These can be seen on the West Yorkshire and the Dales website.
Christopher Ash, director of Cornhill Training Course, speaking on May 13, 2014, at Truth for Life’s Basics conference, shares out of personal experience and from the Word:
How can burnout be a problem in ministry when Christ Himself encouraged His followers to give up everything for the sake of the Gospel? Christopher Ash explains that there is a vital difference between living sacrificially for Jesus and pursuing our calling in a way that leads to mental and physical exhaustion. When Christian leaders bear in mind that we are created by God from dust and that all of our endeavors are dependent on Him for success, we are reminded that Gospel ministry is a humbling privilege and enabled to rejoice that we are recipients of God’s grace in Christ Jesus.
You can watch the whole thing here:
There’s an interesting new missional entrepreneurship competition being launched by Greenbelt and the Church Mission Society:
The Church Mission Society, in partnership with Greenbelt, is launching a missional entrepreneurship competition ahead of this year’s festival.
We are asking festivalgoers to submit an idea that is both transformational and includes a means of generating income.
The shortlisted entrants will get to pitch to a panel of entrepreneurs at Greenbelt 2014.
The winner will receive a free place – worth £400 – on CMS’smissional entrepreneurship week, an annual residential atPickwell Manor in Devon (pictured above). They’ll be taught with other budding entrepreneurs, the expertise necessary to work up their idea into a realistic money-making venture and have the opportunity to present to a panel of potential funders.
How to enter
Simply tell us, in 20-25 words each:
- What is your idea to make a positive difference in the world?
- How will it generate income to be financially sustainable in the long term?
You must be:
- over 18
- a UK resident
- able to take up the prize from 16-21 November 2014
- attending Greenbelt Festival 22-25 August 2014
- and willing to pitch at a ‘Dragon’s Den’ style event over the Greenbelt weekend.
Closing date for entries will be Friday 18 July.
Announcement of the successful shortlisted entrants will take place on Monday 21 July.
This is a great video about the CMS Pioneer course:
David Beer was one of those church leaders you wanted to learn from, one who I had the privilege of meeting and hearing speak several times. In Building a Strategic Church he allows us to sit in a coffee shop with him and chat about lots of different areas of church ministry.
The book covers a huge number of areas with eleven chapters, each subdivided into little sections only a few pages long:
- Why be strategic?
- Strong leadership
- Team spirit
- Relational structures
- Application preaching
- Training and equipping
- Exponential thinking
- Generous attitude
- Involvement with the local community
- A caring heart
- Putting it all together
After serving as Senior Pastor at Frinton Free Church (a church with approximately 600 members) he went on to head up the Purpose Driven Church movement in Europe. This does mean that some parts of the book come across as overly American and reliant on the acrostics and structures that come from Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Church.
The book left me wanting more in several areas, I would want to bounce ideas with David Beer, understanding why he does things in certain ways, and what he thinks about some of my ideas. If you’re looking for a helpful overview to the how of church then look no further.
The children’s and youth ministry I help to lead has had a fantastic 2013, check out these facts to give you a flavour for what’s been happening:
- 197 children attended our Monsters Stink holiday club – the biggest summer holiday activity for children in Hampshire
- 78 assemblies, 29 RE lessons, 104 lunch club sessions and 8 pupils mentored weekly in local schools
- 150 year 6 children helped with transition to secondary school
- 225 children visited the church for RE
- 388 tweets on Twitter
- 97 Facebook Likes for Dibden Minis
- 100 Facebook Likes for Dibden Kids
- 129 Facebook Likes for Dibden Youth
- 25 young people went to Soul Survivor with 6 young people becoming a Christian
- 30 young people went to Fairthorne Manor
- 290 attendances at iDen and jDen
- 769 attendances at Uncover Tuesdays
- 13 services led by the Youth Worship Group
- 50 at the Dibden Youth Christmas Social
- Over 23,000 watched a testimony video the week before Easter on Facebook
- 13 young people got Confirmed
- 1,601 attendances on a Sunday morning and evening
- 2,115 attendances at Dibden Minis
- Over 5,420 volunteer hours given, excluding Steph Gray’s time, saving over £50,000 in staffing
Years ago when I was first in ministry I picked up a copy of Shine on, Star of Bethlehem by Geoffrey Duncan. The book is a huge worship resource for Advent, Christmas and Epiphany.
Geoffrey Duncan is well known for producing great prayer and worship anthologies, and this Christmas resource does not disappoint. What makes this resource so helpful is the variety – both in terms of content – be it welcoming prayers to final blessings to full orders of services; but also in terms of style and age – I’ve felt very comfortable using this with children and young people as well as with older adults.
This is one of the resources I come back to time and time again during the Christmas season – if you don’t have it I recommend you get hold of it.
This week I’ve been reading Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro. I was recommended this book by one of my previous colleagues who had been really encouraged by Cordeiro’s honesty and attitude. The book starts by reflecting on his experience of burnout and how he realised that his life was not sustainable and needed to change.
For me the most helpful aspect of the book was his honesty both as he reflected with what he needed to change – that it ran deep within himself; and the depth at which Cordeiro explained practically how he managed this – especially with the Personal Retreat Days – something I will certainly be taking on board as we move into 2014.
The concept of a dashboard which helps to measure vital systems essential for health and success was interesting, he used: Faith life; marriage life; family life; office life; computer life; ministry life; financial life; social life; attitudinal life; author’s life; speaker’s life and physical life. I found Cordeiro’s thoughts on the different questions we ask ourselves in our 20s, our 30s, our 40s, our 50s, our 60s and our 70s helpful to realise that after ten years in ministry who I am, and the questions I ask of myself have changed during this period.
With recommendations such as “This is a must-read for all leaders” by Bill Hybels it certainly isn’t one to ignore, and whilst there is nothing that you probably haven’t heard before, it will certainly encourage you and challenge you to make your life more sustainable instead of constantly leading on empty.
“Jesus didn’t do it all. Jesus didn’t meet every need. He left people waiting in line to be healed. He left one town to preach to another. He hid away to pray. He got tired. He never interacted with the vast majority of people on the planet. He spent thirty years in training and only three years in ministry. He did not try to do it all. And yet, he did everything God asked him to do”.
Kevin DeYoung from Crazy Busy.
Ricky Gervais is one of the most brilliant comedic writers around, he created the award winning series The Office, hosted the Golden Globes twice and much more. But he learned his most valuable writing lesson when he was 13-years-old, while trying to get back at a teacher.
In the first installment of Fast Company‘s “Creation Stories” — a series that aims to “entertain while shedding some light on the creative process” — Gervais explains his writing process. He describes that while writing “the most boring story in the world,” he actually learned a valuable lesson: “Write what you know.”
What’s the best writing or preaching advice you’ve heard? Watch the video, and let me know in the comments below.
This area has been a particular struggle in our own marriage, and one that we have by no means figured out. We’ve had many talks and constantly wrestle with what boundaries work for our relationship. In this day and age you can’t completely disconnect from the world, but nor should you be so distracted by constant email pings and texts that you’re not present for your family. This technology conversation has a lot of gray areas and so it takes a fair amount of effort and communication to hash out.
Here’s the main goal: Don’t allow screen time to replace face time.
People need attention. They need you to be focused on them, listening, alert, and engaged. There is no formula or set of rules that you can follow to guarantee you’ll be great at paying attention. And chances are that as the capabilities of technology expand and integrate more and more into our daily lives, this will be an area you’ll have to work on a lot.
As you talk with your spouse and family about technology, be sure to listen to each other’s opinions and work together to create boundaries that fit your unique needs.
Here are some things we’ve enacted in our own marriage and family life:
1) No technology at meal times. Phones are off or on vibrate, they are not sitting on the dinner table. Computers and iPads are closed and put away.
2) No charging devices in the bedroom. It’s really hard to have quality time when things keep buzzing, dinging, and drawing our attention away from each other. Plug in and charge the electronics in another room.
3) Work email goes to a work computer. For us it helped to not have ministry emails dinging into Jake’s phone. It kept him constantly “at work” even though he was home.
4) The freedom to say no. We each have the freedom to express frustration if we feel the other one is being sucked too much into the technology tornado.
5) One Sabbath day. Technology is turned off and totally ignored one day a week. (In theory! We admit, this one is hard to do.)
Have fun using these new ways to limit the control technology has on your life!
Thank you for loving students,
Jake and Melissa Kircher