In the bizarre world that is Joey Barton, the greatest tragedy is his thinking Twitter is some sort of substitute for actual therapy.

Barton receives a 12 match ban for going berserk on the Premiership’s last day after Carlos Tevez elbowed him. In addition he’s bee fined £75,000.  The FA increased the suspension after they decided to charge him for attempting to headbutt Vincent Kompany which Barton denies while accepting hacking Sergio Aguero.

No Twitter response to the match ban from Barton as yet but before the announcement there was this: ” We are all just travellers passing on a journey.” His QPR career could be at an end. Time to move on.

Here is a chronology of Barton’s trail of mayhem >>

If there was anyone who forgot this is an Olympic year, prepare yourself, because the emotional ad campaigns leading up to the London Olympics have already started.  This Mother’s Day ad from Procter and Gamble will make you wish your kids had athletic ambitions.  Or … it might make you appreciate the sacrifices your mother made for you.

Ricardo Vaz Te’s 87th minute goal won the match and ensured the Hammers return to the Premiership after spending a season away.  Afterwards, Sam Allardyce called Vaz Te the best ever signing he had made – and he’s made a few!  The Hammers join Reading and Southampton as the promoted teams.

Spare a thought for Ian Holloway and Blackpool their luck ran out in the playoffs, losing what is thought to be the most important game in the world.

Suspended captain John Terry who played no part in the Champions League final lifting the Champions League was probably as low as it could get – should a suspended player be allowed to lift the trophy as captain – an interesting debate needs to be had on that.

On the other hand, one cannot but feel happy for Didier Drogba, who lives and dies football everytime he steps out on the pitch. Even his orchestrated dives cannot be grudged. David Luiz seems to be the live wire of the team, hugging, kissing, and playing the prankster. The camera cut away at times to the dejected Bayern players. Those medals must have felt like millstones as they came off second best in their own home.

Michel Platini, the chief activist of the financial fair play rules handing the trophy and it vending its way finally to Roman Abramovich, the man most responsible for football’s present day curse of financial doping was a scene dripping with irony. Someday that will make its way to a documentary.

Roy Hodgson has announced that Steven Gerrard will be the England captain for the European Championships in Poland and Ukraine. Gerrard was England’s skipper in South Africa for the 2010 World Cup and has captained the national side on 15 occasions since 2004.

 Hodgson said Gerrard was the man to help him forge “team unity”, adding that the player he knew well from his time as Liverpool manager merited the “distinction” of captaining England.

“In my opinion he’s the man who merits this award or distinction.  I know him as a player and I know him as a person. I know how committed he is to the England cause and he was delighted last night when I told him of my decision.   And I shall be counting on him to help me as much as he possibly can to build the type of team unity and the type of environment that’s going to be very necessary to thrive in an important tournament.”

They have RVP in it so that must mean he’s not going to Juventus; oh wait, they had Fabregas a year ago too and look how that turned out.

Theo Walcott gets a lot of screen time and reveals a new talent for taking free kicks against some immovable props.  He seems to have it a wee bit harder against actual flesh and blood opposition.

Sczczesny dents Wenger’s car in the end at which the Polish goalie legs it out of sight which can only mean one thing. The other Polish goalie is coming back. Yes, Lukasz Fabianski.

The kit actually looks nice. But in the end this is geared towards fans paying lots of money to keep up.