Facebook started off as a true social media that focussed on keeping up-to-date with what friends are up to. Over the last few years it’s changed dramatically, in ways summed up beautifully by The Degeneration of Facebook in 10 Statuses:
Gone are the kittens and puppies, they’ve been replaced by vomit inducing images of dogs being punched, roadkill, videos of children being punched on public transport, girls sucking on used tampons, kids stabbing their hands with knives, injuries, insults, masturbation and sexually suggestive selfies. It’s a place for generating hatred, inciting witch-hunts and scare mongering. What happened Facebook? We used to be friends.
Over the years users have also developed a distinct lack of personality. Statuses generally follow a pattern made up of ‘trendy’ words and before you know it, everyone’s coming out with the same old stuff. It’s all one big competition, it’s theHunger Games of photographs and hyperbole and the modern day equivalent of gossiping over the garden fence and keeping up with the Joneses or Kardashiwotnots. Here are a few of the statuses responsible for the degeneration Facebook.
“Click ‘Like’ if…”
…You’ve lost someone to cancer, you want to find a cure for cancer, you love your daughter, you love your kids, you enjoy breathing, you like clicking like etc. Stop clicking like and fill a bag with old clothes and take it to a charity shop, give money to cancer research, tell your kids you love them to their face. Save the tip of your index finger and do something that will actually make a real difference.
“Anyone know the number for the Doctor’s Surgery?”
“Anyone know the number for 999?”
If you can update your status, you can search for a telephone number. The above are desperate, attention seeking posts and require nothing more than the obligatory “Why what’s up hun?” or “Hope everything’s okay hunnii” or “I’m here if you need me hon” or… oh I can’t be bothered but I know you know what I mean.
“I would like to take this opportunity to wish Rihanna a happy 3rd birthday. Congratulations sweetie we are so proud of you. Love from Mum, Dad, Kev, Nana, Grandpa and Carol next door x”
Can baby Rihanna read? Does she have a Facebook account? “I’d like to take this opportunity”? Have you really been so busy that this is the only chance you’ve had to wish your daughter a happy birthday is through a Facebook account she can’t read and has no access to?
See also: “Shakira, we have just been to your school open evening and your teacher said that you are the best in the whole school at absolutely everything. We are so proud of you. Love from Mum, Dad, Kev, Nana, Grandpa and Carol next door x”
Oh, stop showing off!
“Well Nana, it’s been 7 years today since you died…”
Nana didn’t use Facebook when she was alive so the chance of her being able to read this when she’s been dead for seven years are pretty slim.
For starters, why do people use hashtag on Facebook? It’s completely superfluous and then there is nothing more boring than someone who is bored and nothing more criminal than sticking a .com after a word to describe your feelings.
This is the dangerous one. Mainly because it encourages users to post pictures of themselves in their new clothes or hardly any clothes and then asks friends to rate the pictures and their figures. The problem here is users are appealing to their “friends” if you look awful they’re not going to tell you because they’re your friend and they don’t want to upset you. So no matter how hideous you look, people will click “LIKE” and they will comment with things like “Beautiful Hunniiiiii”.
Blatant vanity and a desperate appeal for compliments seems to carry absolutely no shame whatsoever and adding “I hate this picture” to the posted image won’t fool anyone. If you genuinely hated it, you would press delete. Well done Facebook, you’ve created a monster, and a bloody ugly one to boot!