Christmas Health & Safety

Health and Safety Category
Christmas Health and Safety reminder:
 
There is some official concern at the intentions expressed in public songs.
 
Please be advised that all employees planning to dash-through-the-snow-in-a-one-horse-open-sleigh, going over-the-fields-and-laughing-all-the-way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.
 
The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
 
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch-their-flocks-at-night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining-his/her-glory-all-around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory
 
Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. Rudolf Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
 
While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.
 
Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found away in a manger, with no crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Funny things children say at Christmas

The Nativity

The funny things children say at Christmas according to the Daily Mail

What gifts did the three wise men bring?

  • Rebecca, 5, Merchant Taylors: “They brought Jesus gold and myrrh but I would have brought him a nice warm blanket.”
  • William, 7, Merchant Taylors: “I don’t know what presents the wise men brought Jesus but a Lego set would have been better.”
  • Ellie, 5, Broomhill Infants: “The three wise men brought Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh – no real presents. I feel sorry for him.”
  • Ellie, 6, Merchant Taylors: “When he was born three kings brought him gold, coins and a sheep.”

Who was the angel Gabriel?

  • Erin, 6, Broomhill Infants: “The Angel Gabriel is a big white fairy. He helped Mary and Joseph look after the baby – kind of like a doctor.”
  • Jay, 5, Broomhill Infants: “There was also an angel called Gabriel, whose favourite thing was to fly around all day.”
  • Molly, 6, Broomhill Infants: “Angel Gabriel was also there and he has yellow wings and a white costume.”
  • Katherine, 9, from St James’ Church of England Primary School, Weybridge, Surrey: “Gabriel was this herald angel. He was a boy but he’s played by a girl in Christmas plays.”

Why do we celebrate Christmas?

  • Ellyshia, 9, St James’ Primary: “I am not really a Christian. I believe in unicorns and pixies.”
  • Ben, 7, Broad Oak: “We celebrate Christmas because Santa comes and gives us lots and lots of presents.”

Where was Jesus born?

  • Charlie, 4, Broomhill Infants: “He was born in a stable a long way away from here in another country. Bethlehem – it’s in England.”
  • Erin, 6, Broomhill Infants: “Jesus was born in the stable – it had lots of hairs.”

Sitting Inside A Giant Water Balloon When It Explodes

Slow Mo Guys

The Slow Mo Guys are brilliant!  I love their slow motion videos.  This time Dan Gruchy and Gavin Free are exploring a whole new level of stunt strangeness by making Dan crawl inside a giant balloon, which is then filled with water until it explodes.

[youtube id=”NMbM-ERy2Lk” width=”580″ height=”337″]

The Slow Mo Guys filled another 6 foot long balloon with water a while back and jumped on it until it burst.  Seeing Dan sitting there with his head sticking out of a giant watery balloon sac is utterly hilarious!

Via Boing Boing

Funny headlines from around the world

news - schoolswork

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so:

How to Park a Go Kart

Park a Go Kart

Watch this young boy park a go kart like a boss, using his momentum to roll backwards down a corridor, precisely into the spot he aimed for. Then he walks away like a boss.

[youtube id=”RbVFI08yj1″ width=”580″ height=”337″]

According to a comment at reddit, this is Marielyst Gokart & Paintball Center in Marielyst, Denmark. This kid grew up here, as his father is the racetrack owner. So he came by his skills honestly.

Funny headlines from around the world

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so:

Funny headlines from around the world

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so:

Funny headlines from around the world

Some of the more random headlines from the BBC News website over the last week or so:

Funny stories from around the world

Some more funny and random headlines from around the world:

 

Skyscraper Melts Car

walkie-talkie-skyscraper

When Martin Lindsay returned to his car, parked near a new 37-storey skyscraper in London dubbed the “Walkie Talkie” because of its shape, he found that his car had been melted:

Mr Lindsay, director of tiling company Moderna Contracts Ltd, said: “I was walking down the road and saw a photographer taking photos and asked, ‘what’s happening?’

“The photographer asked me ‘have you seen that car? The owner won’t be happy.’

“I said: ‘I am the owner. Crikey, that’s awful.'”

The wing mirror, panels and Jaguar badge had all melted, Mr Lindsay said.

“You can’t believe something like this would happen,” he added. “They’ve got to do something about it.

“It could be dangerous. Imagine if the sun reflected on the wrong part of the body.

“On the windscreen, there was a note from the construction company saying ‘your car’s buckled, could you give us a call?'”

Read the rest over at the BBC.